Here's an anecdote my friend, M, shared with me.
M was, like me, on exchange last semester. After term ended in December, she travelled to Belgium and the Netherlands with four friends, including a girl K. For a few days in Belgium, the five of them stayed at L’s (a Belgian) house. All of them met on exchange.
K developed a cough when they reached Belgium, so she decided to stay in at L’s house while the rest went to tour the city. When they got back and asked K what she did, she replied: “I was surfing the net and watching videos the whole day!” This was despite L asking the rest to not use too much water and electricity as her mother was already quite concerned about bills with five extra people staying over. The next day, K felt slightly better and went out with the rest. L offered to bring them around but had to rush to school to settle some stuff before that so they had to leave the house by ten in the morning. K not only woke up late, but also took a long time to get ready, so L was nearly late for school. When they were touring, K walked very slowly, so they could not go very fast. At mealtimes, K insisted on having spaghetti while the rest wanted to try local specialties. In the end, they would split up for their meals before meeting up again. Finally, when they reached back to L’s house, L’s parents opened the door and asked how the day went. K walked past them without a word and went up to the room they were sleeping in.
Needless to say, M was highly annoyed with K, not only because K was not making full use of this travel opportunity to experience the life and culture in another country, but also because of her self-centred behaviour. M felt that a mere cough was no excuse for K’s behaviour.
On the other hand, K might not be used to life in a different country and also to travelling with people she didn’t know very well. This might have been worsened by her cough.
If you were in M’s shoes, what would you have done to make this a more enjoyable travel experience for everyone?
Hi Jin Rou,
RépondreSupprimerIf I were in M's shoes, I would take some time to relax my nerves from being annoyed before approaching K. In a courteous tone, I would attempt to suggest subtly to K that she should probably reduce her internet usage and remind her how taxing it could be for L's family to pay for the extra bills. I would also reemphasise the fact that living costs in Belgium would be very different compared to Singapore. If she's willing to listen, I would even suggest to her that the group gets a gift for L's family as a form of appreciation and let her be in charge of making the card or getting the gift.
Also, I could also get the group to constantly be more inviting and ask K to join in on the meals and that she should try the cultural dishes in Belgium before it's too late.
I think what K needs is a bit more time to adapt and adjust before she is comfortable travelling with the group. The group should not shun away from her as this might in turn cause her to be less sociable.
Yong Qiang
Hey Jin Rou,
RépondreSupprimerIf I were M, I would definitely be annoyed by K's behaviour as well. We should not behave like that under someone else's roof and definitely not when we are in a foreign country.
I would speak to K about it, telling her nicely to reflect on the way she has been behaving. If she thinks there is nothing wrong, then I'd tell her to do whatever she wants, but not affect the rest of the group. She also has to know that she'll be left out from many of the other fun activities that the group will be doing.
However, if K is really not used to used to living in a different country and she's genuinely affected by her cough, I would ask the other members of the group to be more understanding and accommodating towards her.
HELLO JIN ROU!
RépondreSupprimerIf I were M, I would be really irritated with K's inconsiderate and self centered behaviour. Since the host kindly extended her home FREE OF CHARGE, K is technically a freeloader. Hence, she should recipocate and learn to not take things for granted.
I would definitely speak to K about it as she is affecting the group. If she decides not to change, or continue thinking only of herself, it would only be natural for the group to drift away from her and not include her in activities. I feel that a mere cough is not enough to justify her behaviour.
Hi Jin Rou,
RépondreSupprimerI would probably have a small talk with K to discuss about the things she would like to do in Belgium and then tell her about my views, encouraging her to try the local specialties and experience the culture of Belgium. At the same time, I would try to be accommodating to her wants and plan with her a schedule that is in a win-win situation.
Next, I would tell her about the implications of watching too many videos in L's house and remind her to be respectful to L's parents. Like what Yong Qiang has mentioned, I feel that getting a gift for L's family as a form of appreciation is a good idea. I would suggest that everyone should be involved in the gift preparation so that there would be an opportunity for all of them to get together. This might in turn make the trip more enjoyable.
Hey Jin Rou,
RépondreSupprimerThe actions of K was not acceptable. However, I would need to talk to K and understand why she behaved in such a way. I need to let her know that her actions were very rude, especially when K walked past L's parents without saying a word. Also, her actions were affecting those her.
I need to emphatise with K as she might not be used to the new environment yet and would need time to adjust. I would suggest K to have a small talk with L and her parents, to apologise for her rudeness and ask for their understanding.